August 15, 2012

  • 4/30/10 A Few For Friday

     
     
     
    Junior is discovering the Big Wide World. Spring is springing up all around him and the undergrowth is so thick after last weekend's rains that he seems a bit bemused when he steps out from under the Oven. Where did the ground go? Why can't I see my feet? It's a jungle out there!
     
    ~*~
     
    Before the rains started, Shane got stuck into the garden... ploughing, discing, and almost finishing the roto-tilling before the heavens opened. 
     
     
    I'm made up!! Roto-tilling will be finished this afternoon and my garden will be ready for planting. WOOT!
     
     
    That isn't just soil. It's future carrots and peas ands potatoes and yams and peppers and squash and cabbage and broccoli and and and... :)
    These little guys are itching to get in there!
     
     
    ~*~*~
     
     
    I love gardening. :)
     
     
    ~*~
     
     
    My trip to the Goodwill Store on Wednesday was brilliant! I'd made a list of stuff I needed, rather than just going to browse, and got everything on it. Great! Two pairs of light summer trousers, a little sun top, new sneakers, a picture frame for a cross stitch I'm planning for Mom's birthday, a hardback copy of "The Da Vinci Code", a little pressie for a friend, and best of all... a new keyboard - a proper solid one to replace that awful floppy rubber thing I hate so much. And best of all? The whole caboodle only cost me $24.85. WOOT!!! Goodwill ROCKS!! :D
     
    On the way back we called into a Hostess bakery place to pick up cheapo cakes and other bad for you goodies. I bought a pickled sausage, a delicacy I'd never seen before. Omigod!! Heaven in a plastic bag!! :D
     
     
    ~*~
     
     
    I finished mulching Pops' fruit trees.
     
     
     
     
    Well, I thought I had. Mom's gone and bought two more apple trees. Oh god. *Rolls eyes*.
     
     
    ~*~
     
     
    Shane's home later today and we'll be off to pick up his daughter for the weekend, WOOT!!! It's forecast to be another wet and stormy one so we'll have to find something to amuse ourselves indoors. Maybe she'll actually get all her homework done for a change! :D
    Shane still has his taxes to finish, and I've got several letters to write back home. Then I might get her to help me with a little project suggested by Pops... apparently rabbits don't like Irish Spring soap. So I've bought a few bars to cut into slices and hang around the bottom of the fence I've put up round the smaller garden here by the camper van. Soap!! Hahaha!! Would you believe, I actually spent a few minutes dithering over which scent to buy?! Omigod. 
    I've got this image in my head of a queue of rabbits, loofahs in hand, in the weekend rain, waiting for their turn at the shower. 
     
     
    ~*~
     
     
    Still no word on the car for sale by the secretary at Shane's workplace. Bah. I now know it's a '95 Ford Contour ~ good gas mileage. But my excitement is diminishing the longer time goes on and he hasn't heard from her what's going on. There's another guy working there who's got first refusal and I know it's awkward arranging time to do things when you're out on the road all week trucking.
     
    But I still wish he'd hurry up and go see it so WE can if he doesn't want it.
     
    ~*~
     
     
     

     
     
    And so the intrepid explorer heads back off into the wilderness, looking for adventure and frogs to lick.
    Don't be eating the spiders, Junior!
     
     
    Tune in my Head.
     

  • 3/9/10 Cats & Copper & a Little Bit of Spring

     
     
    It's only early in the month, a couple of weeks yet to Solstice... but surely this gorgeous weather we're suddenly all enjoying and blogging about (except poor KK! Sorry KK!) means that Spring is sprung? I really hope so. Yes the melt is making things very muddy around here, but I don't care ~ it's just so good to be warm! Without dressing like the Michelin Man to do it!
     
    The sap is running past itself, and the gas has been much lower than usual since the oil wells were cleaned and re-solvented yesterday. Bummer!! I've now got 60 quarts of sap sat in various buckets and pails, about 10 quarts in plastic tubs in the fridge, and another 8 in mason jars in the fridge up at the family trailer. OMG! I WANT MY GAS BACK!! The boiling pan is currently over a wood fire, and that thing is eating up wood like there's no tomorrow. And sloooooooow...
     
    But! Help is at hand! There's an enormous copper boiling pot that's been sat in the barn for the last couple of decades... but not any more. Three hours of sanding, scrubbing, rinsing, sanding again and rinsing again and it's now gleaming clean and full of water coming to the boil on the gas flame. As soon as it's had a bloody good boil, I'll be bailing it out and throwing the sap into it ~ I can't wait! Hahaha! It's huge, must hold about 20 gallons, and is going to be an enormous help in getting all this sap done. I'm at the point where I can't collect any more until I get rid of what I've got, and it's a shame to see the maples dripping into the ground.
     
     
     

    BIG POT!

     
     
     
    Before...
     
     
     
    After!!...
     
     
     
     
    After finishing the last batch yesterday, I've got 12 4oz jars and three 12oz. THICK! :D  Thanks for the opinions and advice! 
     
    Juniorette is enjoying the warmth and sunshine too; she's finally started to go exploring around the place a bit, instead of sleeping under The Oven 24/7. It's good to see her looking well, fur groomed and fluffy, and just being a cat. :)
     
    Watching the Birdies...
     

     
     
     
    Discovering a liking for onion shoots...
     
     
    Yes love, that's my CLEAN copper pot! Don't even THINK about it!
     
     
     
    And yes love, that's a hose, with running water... so you'd best stay away from the pot, eh?! :D
     
     
    She's lovely. I'm totally smitten. :) She's sat on the step now, looking in at me through the screen door. Okay Juniorette, I'll come out and play for a while. :)
     
     
     

  • 2/25/10 Thought on Thursday - the Late Edition

     
     
     

    * I wasn't going to blog today ~ it's been a busy one, and I was hoping Shane might get home tonight as he's delivering here in Ohio. But his clock has run out of driving hours and he's still waiting to be unloaded, so he'll be spending the night at the Pilot. Bummer.

     
    * But look on the bright side! No covers being dragged off me when he rolls over in the night, and I get all that space to myself! :D
     
    * It has  been a busy day today. Yesterday I collected 20 quarts of maple sap and started boiling it down. I stopped when it got dark... it's difficult to lift the big pan I'm using and filter the sap by myself, without spilling any because I can't see what I'm doing. It's precious stuff! So that job got finished today. And I'm now the proud owner of THREE little jars of maple yumminess. WOOT!
     
     

     
    It looks very ruby-coloured, but I think that must have been the lighting or something ~ it's actually a deep brown, thick,and delicious. Oh yeah... :)  This weekend we're going to play about making some sort of labels for them. 
     
    * The weather turned cold again today and the sap wasn't running. It couldn't if it wanted to!
     

     
    But I was glad really. I'd have been swamped, it takes a good few hours for the boiling and I don't want the quantity of sap to overwhelm me. Until Shane gets me one of these for Christmas, anyway. Hehehe. Dream on...
     
    * I decided to have a go at cleaning the keyboard on my laptop last Friday while Multiply were doing their *yawn* datacenter move. (Will that ever be over?!) 
    It was scary, once I'd prised all the keys off. Omigod. Those of a nervous disposition, look away now...
     
    No wonder I had "sticky keys". And still do. *Sigh*. It was impossible to get it completely cleaned out, and when I tried to get the whole base out it sort of stuck in the middle and wouldn't budge, no matter how I tried to pull at it. I now have a slightly bent , non-working keyboard. I should learn to leave things alone.
     
    * I had a great morning out with Roger yesterday! We called at the Goodwill store, and although they didn't seem to have a flesh-coloured spandex ski-suit (sorry Bill, I tried! :P ), I did find the bargain of the year... a full-length, dark green velvet bathrobe with long fluted sleeves and ruffled neckline. WOOT! "Bathrobe" doesn't do it justice, it's absolutely gorgeous. Victoria's Secret! And... only $5!!! Omigod. I nearly fell over. I bought it for Shane's daughter for her birthday next month. She's really into gypsy/renaissance type stuff, and I know she's going to LOVE it. :)
     
    * We also called at one of Roger's favourite Pawn shops, they stock a load of ham radio gear and he's as much into that as I am Multiply. They were selling DVDs, $5 for TWO, and I found "The Boondock Saints"!! OMIGOD!!! It was recommended to me a bit back so I ordered it at the library and It Is AWESOME. Well up in my top 5 favourite movies, and now I have my own copy. I am chuffed to BITS! :D  
    I so need a car. I just Googled it, and there's a 10th Anniversary event going on in Illinois, on March 11th. *Sigh...* I'd give my right arm to be there. 
     
    * I officially  "have a cat" now, if such a thing is possible. I tend to believe they own you, and have had plenty of past experience to prove it. Anyway, Junior's status has been raised from "stray cat living under The Oven and being given a bit of food" to fully-fledged My Cat. :)
     

     
    When he first started sleeping in the warmth of The Oven just before Christmas, he was such a sickly, poorly thing that we didn't really expect him to survive long. He was the runt of last spring's litter and had to fight for his food up at Roger's trailer from the get-go ~ Roger feeds LOADS of them up there. Then in the summer he tangled with a raccoon, we think, and got his mouth badly injured. So things weren't looking too clever when he moved down here. For a good week or more we couldn't get him to eat. He justed wanted to be warm. :(  His chest rattled like he was drowning, and his left eye was so badly infected we thought he'd lose it... even now I'm unsure of what his sight is like, it's very odd-looking compared to the other. His mouth was also still not healed, and we fully expected a dead cat at New Year.
     
    He made it through though, and over the last couple of months he's come along nicely ~ not quite in leaps and bounds, but slow and sure. His chest infection worsened a couple of weeks ago but I started giving him a quarter of a Vitamin C tablet crushed in his food, and that's much better. :)
     
     
    His mouth is healed completely, but he's been left with a lump right in the middle of his lower lip, which makes it difficult for him sometimes. The "entree' type mushy cat food gets squished down into the bottom of the bowl so he can't pick it up, and some of the chunky stuff in gravy is too big. Poor little bugger! But I do what I can to help, and he's doing Alright. :)
     
    So what makes him My Cat now? Well... he's getting soft! He rubs all round my legs when I go out, and not just at mealtimes either, lol! He's like a little dog, following me about. In the evenings, when I go out for my last couple of smokes of the day and give him his supper, he likes to crawl up my leg onto my knees and enjoy a bit of a cuddle.  He'll fall asleep there if I let him stay long enough!
     
    And I really think... when it gets to the stage of putting a folded towel down as a blanket, and splashing out $15 on flea drops and a brush, that makes him a bit more than "just a stray" we feed. When we get an apartment eventually, I think it'll be a ground floor one. With a cat-flap fitted. :)
     
    The Oven will do for now though. I think he's quite comfortable.
     
     

     
     
     Junior.  He's never going to win any beauty contests and he's likely to remain a scrawny, sickly thing. But that doesn't matter to me. He's just lovely. :)

  • Junior.

    I'm moving over some of the blogs and photos mentioning Junior, my beloved and MUCH missed cat from the Tree Farm. He was My Cat for a couple of years and I was totally in love with him. We'd hoped that when we got an apartment we'd be able to bring him with us, but this place we're in now isn't suitable at all so we decided to leave him with his Momma and cousins back at the Tree Farm. Sadly, about the time we were moving here in April this year, he disappeared, and despite Pops and Roger keeping an eye out and going looking for him, he never turned back up. We can only think the worst.

     

    He'd found his way to us in late December 2010, the runt of that Spring's litter and then having tangled badly with a raccoon in the Fall. He was near to death - face all ripped up, a bag of skin and bone, and he'd crawled under the hot water tank fireplace outside our camper to die. His chest was so congested he sounded like he was drowning, and he could barely stand. Shane said we should let nature take its course and let him die, at least in some warmth. So I went along with that and made the decision along with Shane not to feed him or tend to him. This was country life, and it's hard as Hell.

     

    But Shane gave in first, lol, and started feeding Junior juice from a tin of tuna with a dropper. I cleaned his face each day with cotton balls, built him a wood platform at the side of the tank with a towel to sleep on so his face wouldn't be constantly in the dirt adding to his breathing problems, and started giving him Vitamin C in his food. He was still really sickly and we didn't expect him to live. But he did... and I spent the next couple of years with My Cat, who totally stole my heart and became one of the most important things in my life.

     

    You wouldn't believe how much I miss him. I can hardly walk by the cat food in the store without choking up, and I know I'll shed a few tears tonight while I'm moving my memories of him here. I know in my heart that he's dead - either run over or got into another fight with something he shouldn't have on the Tree Farm. But at least his life was happy with us, and he knew he was loved. :) heart

August 13, 2012

  • My Multiply Homepage - 'cos I'll miss it otherwise.

    You are entering the White Room, yeah that's the password,
    And you can leave your hangups at the door now
     
     
    'Cos this is the White Room, my Asylum, and you are Welcome...
     
     
     
     
     
    Find more about Weather in Newark, OH
    Click for weather forecast
     
     
     
    My man :)
     
     
    "Let the truth of Love be lighted, let the love of Truth shine clear.
    Sensibility, armed with sense and liberty,
    with the Heart and Mind united in a single perfect sphere."
    Rush.
     
     
     
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l |^^^^^^^^^^| |P|
    KEEP ON TRUCKING !!!!!!!!!!!!!♥~♥ ||”"”;..___.
    |……_______________| l______________l _||__|…, ]P“
    (@)’(@)”""""""*l'(@)l'(@)l """"""""""""""(@)'(@)""""'(@)

     

     

    ~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~peace~*~love~*~joy~*~

     

     

     
     
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
    One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.
    It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.
    Never lose a holy curiosity."
     
    Cool dude, that Einstein. :)
     
     
     
     
     
     
    And another cool dude, that Darwin. :)
     
     
     
     
     
    And yet another cool dude, that Jimi. :)
     
     
     
     

  • 01/12/10 - That's Real

     

     
    My blog now has a title... thanks Teri! :)
     
    It's been a strange couple of days. As some of you will know, A member of Multiply, JohnOh, fondly known as Penguin by his many friends here, passed away yesterday. It was sudden and unexpected... he suffered a stroke at the weekend and was on a ventilator for a short while before it was turned off and he died peacefully.
     
    Although I didn't know him personally, I'd "seen him around" all over the place and knew him to be a funny, good-hearted, life-loving man, and I know he's going to be sorely missed by many.
     
    The news of his short illness and death left me profoundly saddened yesterday, which felt weird as, like I said, we weren't connected friends here. But it made me think... 
     
    We all make connections, friends, acquaintances here, and they all have an impact on us, whether it be a small, relatively insignificant one, or something much deeper and more meaningful. When I first started blogging back in the old 360 days, most of my friends and colleagues "in real life" sort of thought I'd lost the plot ~ they didn't get it at all. They just saw me "playing on the computer" and couldn't correlate that with the notion that it was real people, just like me, that I was interacting with. 
     
    The news of John's passing brought that home even more strongly to me than ever. John was a real man, who has left behind a grieving family and friends. He was as flesh and blood as I am. As you are, to me, also. I think part of my sadness and tears yesterday was for the grief of my friends here who were closely acquainted with JohnOh. It was almost tangible, with each post and tribute I read. 
     
    You are all very real people to me. When I visit your blog, note, guestbook, I don't just see an avatar and background. I don't just read the words you've written. I see you, the person, in my mind's eye, sitting at a desk or table in front of your screen, just as I am now. And I can feel your personality. Just as with people I know in the flesh, I know you, too.
     
    When someone here goes through a troubled time... that's real. 
    When someone loses their job in this difficult economy... that's real.
    When someone has an illness... that's real.
    And when someone here dies... that's real.
     
    I guess what I'm stumbling around trying to say is, that while most of us may never meet face to face, you are all so much more than a two-dimensional entity to me. I think of you all as the people that you are, with your own individuality and personality, quirks and foibles, strengths and weaknesses, ups and downs. I have such a diverse and varied group of friends here and I enjoy every minute of the time I spend with you all.
     
    You're a great bunch of people. Real people. 
  • 9/11/09 - Letter from a public defender... ADULT CONTENT

    The following is a genuine open letter written by a real Public Defender. I heard it read out on a radio podcast this morning and thought it was more than worth the effort of playing it back, sentence by sentence, so I could scribble it down and type it up to share with you guys. Some adult content, and definitely "no holds barred".

     
     
    "First, let me say I love my job and it's a privilege to work for my clients - I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.
     
    First, you have the right to remain silent so shut the bleep up. The cops are completely serious when they say your statement "can and will be used against you". There's no need to babble on like it's Drink 'n' Dial. They're pretending to like you and be interested in you. They could really give two bleeps less about you or the really good reasons why you did what you did. They are not your friends.
     
    Next. When you come to court, consider your dress. If you're charged with a DUI, don't wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it, or a t-shirt with the word "UniBonder" on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up. Visene, people. Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just a courtesy to me, who has to stand by you in court. Smoking five generic cigarettes is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on me while you speak and further transmit your strep 'flu and hepatitis A thru Z. I'm your attorney, not your friend or your buddy, and I really could do without the hug.
     
    I'm a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won't find a loophole or technicality for you, so don't be pissed off. I didn't beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth or rape that kid. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed. So don't be too surprised by your limited options, or that I'm the one telling you about them.
     
    And don't think you'll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I'm not doing anything for you, calling me a "public pretender", or complaining to my supervisor. This does not impress me. It makes me hate you and want to work with you even less. And it does not help if you leave me nine messages in seventeen minutes, especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally do meet.  
     
    For the guys. Don't think I'm amused when you flirt, or offer to "do" me. You can't successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled, unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you, and then kill myself.
     
    To the girls. I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I'm not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that you stop stealing bleep. I do wish you'd stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with, because you aren't allowing them to have a life that's any better than yours.
     
    For the morons. Your second-grade teacher was right - Neatness Counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don't leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don't leave the front licence plate. When you rape or assault a woman on the street, don't leave behind your cellphone. And after you abuse your girlfriend, don't leave a note saying you're sorry. If you're being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket, dump it. Cops are not geniuses. They're out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all want to go home. They're not going to scour the woods or the streets for your two grams of meth! But they will check your pockets, you idiot. Two grams is not worth six months in jail.
     
    Don't be offended and say you were harrassed because security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt, and you were stealing. That's not harrassment, that's store security! And those kids you churn out? How is that possible? You're out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction in having sex with other meth addicts? You're lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene. Deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring, crackhead clients look positively radiant by comparison.
     
    "I didn't put it in". Not a defence. "All the money's gone now". Not a defence. "The B deserved it". Not a defence. "But that dope was so stepped on it barely got me high". Not a defence. "She didn't look thirteen". Possibly a defence, it depends, but not. And when the kids are younger? Never a defence. You just need to die.
     
    For those rare clients that say "thank you", leave a voicemail, send a card or flowers - you're welcome. I keep them all and they keep me going more than my pitiful cost of living increase.
     
    For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night - I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that couldn't have been fixed with money, or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window is closed, and that loss diminishes us all."
     
     
  • 04/30/09 - Need a good laugh? Read on!


    These are GENUINE answers given by contestants on various quiz shows on radio and television in the UK. After my stint on "The Weakest Link", where I got to the final and answered "what boy's name, beginning with 'L', comes before 'Corporal' to give a rank in the British Army?" with "George?", I shouldn't really laugh... but I just can't help myself!

    Thanks for the email Andy... this is one of the funniest ones I've read forEVAR!

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

    Jeremy Paxman:

    What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

    Contestant:

    Homosexuals.

    Jeremy Paxman:

    No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you



    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

    Jamie Theakston:

    Where do you think Cambridge Universityis?

    Contestant:

    Geography isn't my strong point.

    Jamie Theakston:

    There's a clue in the title.

    Contestant:
     

    Leicester

     

     

    BBC NORFOLK

    Stewart White:

    Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant:

    I don't know.

    Stewart White:

    I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

    Contestant:

    Arm

    Stewart White:

    Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?

    Contestant:

    Strong.

    Stewart White:

    Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

    Contestant:

    Louis

    Stewart White:

    Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant:

    Frank Sinatra?

     

     

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

    Alex Trelinski:

    What is the capital of Italy ?

    Contestant:

    France.

    Trelinski:

    France is another country Try again.

    Contestant:

    Oh, um, Benidorm.

    Trelinski:

    Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

    Contestant:

    Sorry, I don't know.

    Trelinski:

    Just guess a country then

    Contestant:

    Paris.

     

     

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

    Anne Robinson:

    Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

    Contestant:

    The Conservative Party.

     

     

    BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

    DJ Mark:

    For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

    Ruth from Rowley Regis:

    I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

     

     

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

    Bamber Gascoyne:

    What was Gandhi's first name?

    Contestant:

    Goosey?

    GWR FM ( Bristol )

    Presenter:

    What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?

    Contestant:

    I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

     

     

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

    Phil:

    What's 11 squared?

    Contestant:

    I don't know.

    Phil:

    I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

    Contestant:

    Is it five?

     

     

    RICHARD AND JUDY

    Richard:

    Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

    Contestant:

    Forrest Gump.

     

     

    RICHARD AND JUDY

    Richard:

    On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

    Contestant:

    Er. .. ..

    Richard:

    He makes bread . . .

    Contestant:

    Er . ....

    Richard:

    He makes cakes . . .

    Contestant:

    Kipling Street?

     

     

     

    LINCS FM PHONE-IN

    Presenter:

    Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

    Contestant:

    Barcelona.

    Presenter:

    I was really after the name of a country.

    Contestant:

    I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

     

     

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

    Question:

    What is the world's largest continent?

    Contestant:

    The Pacific.

     

     

    ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

    Presenter:

    Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

    Contestant:

    Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

     

     

    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

    Steve Le Fevre:

    What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

    Contestant:

    Magna Carta?

     

     

    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

    James O'Brien:

    How many kings of England have been called Henry?

    Contestant:

    Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

     

     

    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

    Chris Searle:

    In which European country isMount Etna?

    Caller:

    Japan.

    Chris Searle:

    I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

    Caller:

    Er ..... Mexico ?

     

     

    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

    Paul Wappat:

    How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israellast?

    Contestant (long pause):

    Fourteen days.

     

     

    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

    Daryl Denham:

    In which country would you spend shekels?

    Contestant:

    Holland?

    Daryl Denham:

    Try the next letter of the alphabet.

    Contestant:

    Iceland? Ireland ?

    Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

    It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

    Contestant:

    No.

     

     

     

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

    Phil Wood:

    What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

    Contestant:

    Er. ... ..

    Phil Wood:

    It's got two syllables . . Kor . .

    Contestant:

    Blimey?

    Phil Wood:

    Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..

    Contestant:

    (Silence)

    Phil Wood:

    OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

    Contestant:

    Walked?

     

     

    THE VAULT

    Melanie Sykes:

    What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

    Contestant:

    Nostalgia.

     

     

    LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

    Presenter:

    What religion was Guy Fawkes?

    Contestant:

    Jewish.

    Presenter:

    That's close enough.

     

     

  • 04/20/09 - The Dying Laptop Ditty


    Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones 

     
     
     
     
    Reception is appalling
    The laptop keeps on stalling
    A hammer-blow is calling
    And singing out to me.
     
     
    The gremlins multiplying
    No matter what I'm trying
    My temper is a-frying
    I'm logging off for tea.
     
     
    It's so very frustrating
    The problems aren't abating
    There will be no placating
    The murderous side of me.
     
     
    If Mozzy doesn't settle
    And stop testing my mettle
    I'll grab the bloody kettle
    And WHACK IT... one, two, THREE.
     
     
    My head bashes the table
    I'm hardly ever able
    To keep my log-in stable
    It's really "bugging" me.
     
     
    I can't fathom a reason
    For treatment with such treason
    Maybe it's the season?
    The birdies and the bees.
     
     
    But Windows has no girlie
    To make him feel so surly
    My first name isn't Shirley
    It's Susan, that is me.

    We're pondering an Apple
    A new toy we can grapple
    Is there such a word as "frapple"?
    The rhyming's hard, you see.


    The "crash reports" are growing
    At least it isn't snowing
    The wind has started blowing
    I need to have a wee.


    I need to calm my Karma
    Before I do some harm-a
    I wish I was a farmer
    Of Mary Jane for me.


    I'm going to have a be-er
    And give myself some chee-er
    In the morning I hope I'm here
    We'll have to wait and see.


    So please send me your wishes
    (I'm married so no kisses ;)
    It's all just hits and misses
    Good night! Sweet dreams to thee.

  • 02/17/09 - Rita's Ritin' Challenge ~ LaundroMat

    Hi Guys!

    It's week #9 of Rita's Riting Challenge, and I'm pleased as punch to say that Rita is using a photo I sent in to her for this week's edition. Thank you hon!!  It was taken during my first visit to an American Laundromat a couple of weeks ago, and I've had my story waiting ever since! This is it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

    (Click here if you fancy a go... )


    Get a playlist!Standalone playerGet Ringtones


    LaundroMat.


    The couple entered the LaundroMat and her eyes opened wide in amazement. WOW! So many machines! At least 20? 25? and whole rows of dryers along two walls. The bright fluorescent light above bounced back off the machines, the glare strong and yellow. What a difference to the local launderette she'd known 'back home', with its half a dozen washers and two dryers, dingy and uninviting. This one even had pinball! And vending machines for drinks and snacks! Wow. Back home you had to nip round the corner to the cafe and hope your stuff was still there when you got back!

    He loaded a large, industrial sized machine with their bedding, while she piled the clothing into three smaller washers.

    "How much liquid do you want in these?" she asked.

    He looked over her shoulder.

    "Usually, we put the detergent in first" he said.

    Oops! She grinned sheepishly and rummaged through the clothing in each machine, digging a hole to the bottom into which he poured the liquid. He lined up rows of quarters into the slots on each one, and she slammed them home, setting them off and running. Twenty minutes to go! Enough time to go out and pick up groceries. Amazing that you could leave and not worry about the busy machines being left unattended!

    A pair of grey flannel jog pants tumbled around forlornly, wondering where its friend, the 'not so white right now' dressing gown was. Oh dear. *Sigh...* she'd forgotten it. She'd be annoyed when she realised. And the pants would miss the shrieks and laughter that emitted from her when pants and gown played together, combining their release of static electricity in a shower of tiny blue sparks which crackled over her dancing legs.

    Several odd socks, thoroughly soapy and sudsy, crossed paths occasionally and nodded, each hoping fervently to be reunited with its partner when they got back home. Otherwise it would be "back in the corner with you, damn odd sock!", as she would cheerily throw them back with the other misfits. Oh the ignominy of being an Odd Sock!

    A soft, pink, cable-knitted sweater luxuriated in the hot water, pleased to feel the dust and dirt being gently teased out of its fibres. Always 'kept for best' in another life, it was now resigned to being an 'everyday' object in the harsh temperatures of its new home. At least it was secure in the knowledge of still being the favourite sweater.

    Two bras met mid-cycle. Straps entangling, metal hooks clawing at each other. One plain, white and practical; the other black and lacy - a bit of frippery. Who would win the battle for supremacy? They were violently flung apart during the fast spin, smashed against their respective sides of the drum. Bosom-less cups heaving, they grudgingly called a truce and decided to coexist, 50/50, as the circumstances called for.


    The couple returned to find everything as it should be. Apart from them, and two women folding their laundry across the other side of the room, the LaundroMat was empty. The couple piled their clean, spun things into several dryers and set them going. She had fancied herself as a bit of a 'pinball wizard' way back when, and felt quite excited when money was fed into the machine and she spun off her first ball. It seemed that she had become a little rusty over the years, and he beat her score easily. She didn't mind; she was having fun!

    She took out her camera for a couple of snaps of this gargantuan place. He positioned himself protectively between her and the two women, guarding their right to privacy from the prying eyes of the lens.

    The radio, quietly on in the background, selected old rock songs and gave them out almost reverently, evoking memories and singing from her. He opened a dryer to see how it was doing, and she danced over to take out the dry clothes.

    "Bouncy little git" he said, fondly.

    She smiled and looked at him sideways.

    "Well I've never been called that before!" she replied, before bouncing back to the table to start folding.

    ♫"Swee-eet Home Ala-bama, where the skies are so blue..."


    A pair of his beat up work jeans with ripped knees and tattered pockets breathed a sigh of relief to find itself at the bottom of the pile of folded workwear. Respite for a few days, at least! Its counterparts could bear the brunt of the daily grind instead, while it rested in the dark, quiet silence of the closet.

    A pair of her jeans, thickly embroidered down one side with subtly-coloured flowers and butterflies, lay smugly on another pile, knowing that it would never be likely to suffer such hardship! They only came out for trips into town!

    The big fleece blanket trapped layers of hot air into itself as the couple folded it together. They would be grateful for its comforting newly-washed softness and warmth that night, it thought, pleased with itself and its role.

    She set the clothes and towels and bedding into their respective piles before returning them to the plastic bags they'd been brought along in. The socks and underwear were shoved unceremoniously into a bag together - she would sort them out when they got home. The odd socks waited in anticipation, hope and worry, keeping their toes crossed; their dilemma still to be decided.

    Bags were loaded back into the truck and the couple headed home. Their respective books sat together companionably on the seat, untouched and unread. Looks like they ended up only coming along for the ride...