September 13, 2012
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Need a Good Laugh? Read On… :) – April 30, ’09
These are GENUINE answers given by contestants on various quiz shows on radio and television in the UK. After my stint on “The Weakest Link”, where I got to the final and answered “what boy’s name, beginning with ‘L’, comes before ‘Corporal’ to give a rank in the British Army?” with “George?”, I shouldn’t really laugh… but I just can’t help myself!
Thanks for the email Andy… this is one of the funniest ones I’ve read forEVAR!
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant:
Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman:
No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge Universityis?
Contestant:
Geography isn’t my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:
There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant:
Leicester
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
I don’t know.
Stewart White:
I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:
Arm
Stewart White:
Correct And if you’re not weak, you’re…?
Contestant:
Strong.
Stewart White:
Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Contestant:
Louis
Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?
LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:
France.
Trelinski:
France is another country Try again.
Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:
Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski:
Just guess a country then
Contestant:
Paris.
THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: – Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:
The Conservative Party.
BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi’s first name?
Contestant:
Goosey?
GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?
Contestant:
I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO� MANCHESTER )
Phil:
What’s 11 squared?
Contestant:
I don’t know.
Phil:
I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:
Is it five?
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:
Forrest Gump.
RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant:
Er. .. ..
Richard:
He makes bread . . .
Contestant:
Er . ….
Richard:
He makes cakes . . .
Contestant:
Kipling Street?
LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant:
Barcelona.
Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:
I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain .
NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:
What is the world’s largest continent?
Contestant:
The Pacific.
ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:
Magna Carta?
JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O’Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … ER. ER … Three?
CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle:
In which European country isMount Etna?
Caller:
Japan.
Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:
Er ….. Mexico ?
PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israellast?
Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.
DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:
Holland?
Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant:
Iceland? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:
No.
PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:
What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:
Er. … ..
Phil Wood:
It’s got two syllables . . Kor . .
Contestant:
Blimey?
Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..
Contestant:
(Silence)
Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant:
Walked?
THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant:
Nostalgia.
LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant:
Jewish.
Presenter:
That’s close enough.
