September 12, 2012

• Thursday 13 and a Bit – the “My Bruvver” Edition. April 8, ’09

  

  I’ve been thinking about our Geoff (or “Ted”, as some of you know him here) an awful lot these last couple of weeks, and missing him fiercely. He’s just about to finish his 22 year stint in the Army and start anew in Civvy Street, and I know he’s mad busy with all that going on, so I’m not too concerned about the lack of contact from him. Par for the course, as far as he goes!
  
  Anyway, last night I was looking for something in my files, and came across a card Geoff had written for me back in September, with instructions only to open it once I was on the flight over here. It made me smile to read it again, and set me off wandering down Memory Lane…
  
  1) My earliest memory of Geoff in my life is of him trying his bloody hardest to smother me with a cushion when we were toddlers. If mum hadn’t walked in when she did, I probably wouldn’t be here writing about it now.
  
  2) The next memory, still as kids, is me, standing on a chair to reach the sink to wash the dishes, and Geoff drying them. Again, mum walked in at just the right moment to find us facing off against each other with kitchen knives in our hands and murder in our eyes.(I think he wanted to wash!). Poor mum… she really had her hands full with us two.
  
  3) He scribbled all over my crayon tin with an orange crayon, and I grassed on him. Later, we were sat on the sofa and he had a tray on his knee with a plateful of ham sandwiches on it. Dad asked him, “son, did you scribble on your sister’s tin?” and Geoff said no. “Come on son”, dad said, “tell the truth, I’m not going to hurt you”. Again Geoff denied it. After dad asked a third time (he was army too, and scary ~ by this time even I  was shitting myself), Geoff admitted he had. “Well DONT….” and dad kicks the tray as hard as he can in the air “…. do it AGAIN!!!”, as ham sandwiches gently rained down on Geoff’s head. Hehehe.
  
  4) Mum opening his bedroom cupboard and finding piles  of moulding ham sandwiches in there ~ the unwanted and uneaten school packed lunches for the last several months. Probably something to do with #3.
  
  5) I got a compass one time and scratched a huge, deep scratch all over dad’s wooden~cased radiogram. I told him it was Geoff who did it, and he got the whalloping of his life. We were talking about it a few years back, and Geoff couldn’t believe it when I said it was me! He’d actually grown up thinking it was him, for all these years! Hahahaha!!
  
  6) Me asleep on the roundabout in the playground behind our house in Aldershot, and Geoff and his mate Gavin sneaking up and pouring a ton of gravel all over me. Gits.
  
  7) Geoff saying, “Go on Sue, punch me in the arm as hard as you can”, which I did, several times, with no effect while he laughed. I’d agreed to let him punch me back, ONCE only. He nearly broke my arm , and laughed again as I screamed in agony.
  
  8) Playing football, me in goal, and the ball hitting me in the face. It knocked the lens out of my glasses and Geoff came running over in horror thinking my eye had fallen out.
  
  9) Him and our father chanting “Mensa! Mensa!” at me in a sing~song voice because I passed the Mensa IQ test with a score of 158 but didn’t have the common sense I was born with.
  
  10) Geoff having an operation at about 14 years old which made it REALLY difficult to move and REALLY painful to laugh. Me and mum helped him gingerly climb up the stairs, settled him in her big comfy bed, took away the remote control and put cartoons on the telly before closing the door behind us, giggling while he swore at us.
  
  11) Him calling me “Susan Gullible Ashworth” for years because I believed everything he told me. A few years back, he told me that ‘gullible’ had been removed from the Oxford English Dictionary because some people complained it was derogatory. I actually went and checked.
  
  12) After losing touch for months when I moved in with my first husband, I came home from work one day and was told to “look in the bathroom, there’s a surprise for you”. My husband said that the look of sheer delight on mine and Geoff’s faces when I opened the door and found him hiding in there, then flying into each others’ arms for the hugest hug in the world, EVAR!, was something he’d never forget.
  
  13) Me getting to the final of “The Weakest Link”, and one of my questions being ‘what boy’s name, beginning with L, comes before the word ‘corporal’ to give a rank in the British Army?’ By this point I couldn’t even remember my own name. All I could think of was the George Cross, so I said “George?” (FFS!!). Geoff was a Lance Corporal at the time, and never lets me live that down. He still calls me George Corporal.
  
  The bit ~ Me sending him writing paper and stamps about 20 years ago in an effort to make him write to me, and still not hearing from him. I’m sure he used the stamps for sticking posters up on his walls, and I think the paper is still somewhere hiding in the bottom of a drawer…
  
  Some things never change eh?
  
  I could go on forever, recounting little bits and pieces that were floating around in my head, but I’ve probably driven you all to sleep by now.   So I’ll finish by sharing the card he gave me…

  

  He’s not a bad ‘un really, as bruvvers go.

  • 11:23 am
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